Riding the Waves: Emotion Regulation Through a DBT Lens

Have you ever felt completely overwhelmed by your emotions? Like a wave crashing over you, pulling you under? Maybe you lash out, shut down, or try to numb the feelings away. In Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), we learn that emotions aren’t the enemy, but how we respond to them can either help us stay afloat or pull us deeper into distress.

Why Emotion Regulation Matters

Emotions are signals; they tell us what matters, what we need, and what we should pay attention to. But when emotions get too intense, they can lead to impulsive reactions, regret, and exhaustion. Learning to regulate emotions doesn’t mean shutting them down; it means understanding them, managing them effectively, and responding in ways that align with our values. Emotion regulation is about working with your nervous system so you can manage and change emotional states.

Mindfulness: The Foundation of Emotion Regulation

Before we can manage emotions, we need to be aware of them in the first place. That’s where mindfulness comes in. Mindfulness in DBT means observing emotions without judgment, allowing them to come and go like waves rather than getting swept away by them. Being aware of your feelings and how intense they are is the first step to emotion regulation.

Try this: Next time a strong emotion hits, instead of reacting immediately, pause and notice:

• What am I feeling right now?

• Where do I feel this in my body?

• What thoughts are showing up?

By stepping into the role of an observer, you create space between the emotion and your reaction, giving yourself the power to respond instead of react.

DBT Skills for Riding the Emotional Waves

1. Check the Facts: Sometimes emotions feel overwhelming because your nervous system is sensing something as not safe and our brain starts to produce some thoughts about what we are feeling. Ask yourself: Is there solid evidence for what I’m feeling, or am I assuming the worst?

2. Opposite Action: If your emotion is leading you toward an unhelpful reaction, try doing the opposite. Feeling the urge to withdraw? Try reaching out to a friend instead.

3. Self-Soothe with the Senses: Engage your senses to bring yourself back to the present. Light a candle, listen to calming music, hold something soft—ground yourself in the now.

4. Build Emotional Resilience: Regularly practice activities that strengthen your emotional foundation. Sleep well, eat nourishing food, move your body, and engage in things that bring you joy. When your baseline is strong, emotions don’t hit as hard.

What are the best ways to learn DBT skills?

DBT skills can be learned on your own, in individual therapy, and/or in group settings. While learning DBT skills individually is powerful, doing so in a group setting adds a layer of connection, structure, and shared growth. In my 14-week DBT group, participants learn and practice skills alongside others who are also working to manage intense emotions. This shared experience creates a sense of community and accountability, reduces feelings of isolation, and allows for real-time feedback and support.

Group work also mirrors real-life relationships, giving you a chance to practice communication, boundary-setting, and emotional regulation in a safe and supportive environment. DBT skills group are more like a workshop/class, where the group leader teaches the skills and offers the structure. Combining group therapy with individual DBT sessions deepens the learning process even more. One-on-one therapy allows you to explore your personal patterns, apply the skills to your unique situations, and receive personalized guidance from your therapist. Together, group and individual therapy provide a comprehensive approach to building emotional resilience and lasting change.

DBT skills groups are different than psychotherapy groups

Unlike traditional therapy groups that focus on emotional processing and sharing personal experiences, a DBT skills group functions more like a class. It’s educational and structured, you’ll learn specific, evidence-based skills for managing emotions, handling distress, and improving relationships. You’ll also get the chance to practice these skills each week with the support of both the group and a trained therapist.

Being in a group adds accountability, connection, and the sense that you're not alone in your struggles. Many people find it empowering to learn alongside others who are also working toward emotional balance.

If you're ready to learn how to ride the emotional waves with more confidence and clarity, consider joining my upcoming 14- week DBT group. Let's build the skills to not just survive emotions, but to move through them with intention and strength.